Cry

Today you and I cried for two totally different reasons.

Two different emotions behind the tears.

I wish you more days like today, where you cry your type of tears.

HLP

No fight left in me

I am no longer going to fight for this. No longer willing to feel like I am the only one fighting.

It is okay if I no longer fit into your life. If you want different things, different people.

It is not okay however, to string me along. I feel so awkward when we see each other. I no longer know how to behave. How to interact.

Even though I want a family of my own. A book worthy romance, I am okay living a hermit life. I am okay with not talking to anyone, because right now, I am allowing people to affect my emotions.

The excuse I got for today made no sense to me, but I guess it did for you.

I keep making excuses for you. Keep feeling like I am being needy, too sensitive and I am making things out of nothing.

I am no longer going to fight for this. No longer willing to feel like I am the only one fighting.

Unfair

It is unfair to me that I am here doing your work, and you are nowhere to be seen.

It is unfair to me that you make excuses for other people, but I am made to answer.

It is unfair to me that my time is not my time, yet you waltz in when you want and leave on time.

It is unfair to me to be accessible but no one else is.

It is unfair to me to be in the middle of the shit.

It is unfair to me to be chastised whilst the others are babied.

It is unfair to me to feel like a jackass often.

It is so fucking unfair to me, I wonder what would be done if I were to disappear. Or to have even been born.

I do not know you.

I think I like the idea of you, more than actually you. However;

I don’t know you, yet I find that my heart skips a beat when I hear a ping from my phone.

I don’t know you, yet I can’t control the smile and blush when people tease me about you.

I don’t know you, yet I think I missed messaging you today.

Perhaps it’s I don’t know you yet.

Independent

Yes, I am independent.

Yes, I do things like change the oil in my vehicle, use a power drill, dismount a fan, fix things, etcetera.

Yes, I have a hard time asking for help.

But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like for someone to do those things for me once in a while. Someone to say “I got this” without me even thinking of asking.

I’m tired.

Jumbled head

There’s this coworker who doesn’t work with us regularly, and there is nothing going with him, but my colleagues are in my head jumbling it. They keep saying “he does come look for you,” how “he say “make sure she going on the off-site assignment””…..the thing is, I have never gotten that at all from him, but the fucking people in my head, man. I keep blushing when they make their jokes about it now. I mean I blush for everything, but shit man. I DO NOT LIKE IT.

I have told three colleagues of this messing with my head, one being female. She saw the interaction between the coworker and myself where she told me “there is something there”. NO THERE IS NOT. And there she is in my head jumbling it even further.

I am not even interested and we have spoken about nothing but work.

So why is it that their jokes and the one female saying “there is something there” messing with my head?

Katherine Center

Katherine Center liked my review of her book The Bodyguard today! (You should, nay, need, to go read that book by the way.)

I mean, she probably reads all her reviews but oh my gosh if I didn’t feel special! Rereading it though makes me wish I was more witty with it. I can’t help but think of her living life like the characters in her books; Jack, doing at least one good thing per day. I absolutely adore her.

I cannot wait to read more of her books! She’s on my list. If you haven’t read any, you really need to.