Today something solidified.
I have been replaced. There was a new friend.
I have been replaced and the reality hit me like a freight train, theoretically speaking of course, seeing as I have never actually seen a train of any variety.
Nonetheless, it fucking hurt.
Devoid of any questions; “Is this one-sided?” “Am I overthinking simple shit?” “Is something wrong?” Everything was clear. I was missed, but because it had been such a while, I had become a memory rather than a person, and then I was replaced.
I came to this realisation when we were in Trendy Kidz and my eyes started to water while we were in Detour. Of course I did not let any escape. I “yawned” like hell, because as you know; when you yawn; pressure is exerted onto the lacrimal sac, but those suckers (yawns) were faker than Dolly Parton’s boobs. They were an instrument to mask the water, if she had noticed.
Just like now, writing this, I will “yawn” so much.
She had changed too ya know. Cannot pinpoint the extact “how” but there was change, I felt it.
It was only when I turned to walk away from them, after my lunch was done, did the water returned with such fervour, they were threatening to break the damn that was currently in construction. However, they only escaped when my ass was planted firmly on the chair by the desk that I occupy.
I did not get to finish talk about Barbados. I did not get to talk about the background investigator. Did not find out anything new. There was hardly any interaction. Know the sad thing? Maybe that has become a norm. How the hell did we end up like that? I was so certain otherwise, but damn did life prove me wrong.
It was at the time the realisation pounded that I grew quiet; distant in conversation. Don’t think they noticed though. This brings me to think about a picture I once saw and probably stored, about the signs and hiding their emotions. “Scorpio; Fucking pro, they could be dying inside and no one knows.”
And while I’m here writing this, listening to music; the most fucking slowest songs on my playlist decides to play.