¿Cómo está el amor de mi vida?




The only way someone could “feel” so passionate is if they are an alien?

If I may get a say in their living situation?

I am not flattered. It is not genuine.

I am tired.

I am tired of all the pretences. Tired of all the empty fancy words and sentences.

Tired of the in-genuine alien.


I am actually pretty hurt by Ryan. I feel underestimated.

I feel as though I need to cry. Have you ever felt like that? Felt the insatiable need to cry?

A need to have a meltdown?

It will not be enough to just cry, I need a proper meltdown, but I do not have the time or the space to have the meltdown that I rightfully deserve.

The meltdown is not because of Ryan, but part of the cry will be.

Cry the underestimation out of my system. Cry the thing that I broke today out of my system. Cry this “not so good day” out of my system.


My birthday came and went.

I did nothing but took care of my grams. Didn’t go out.

I did not mind taking care of my grams, cause come on, she’s my grams.

The first day of 26 came and went with no fancy activity.


The second day of 26, there was a party in Freeport, not for me, but a party nonetheless.

A surprise cake that was for me and games for everyone.


I find myself wanting to stay in. 

I find myself not feeling to talk to everyone. 

I find myself feeling to exhibit hermit like qualities.
I used to want to go out.

I used to want to talk.
My birthday is next Saturday.

I am okay with doing nothing. At least I think I am.

Only time will tell.



I don’t got it.

It seems to me that everyone has confidence in me.

Everyone except me of course.

They say “you got this!”, “you know this!” and then they ask how it went, in the hopes of hearing or seeing because everything is texted these days, “I crushed it!”, “I made it my bitch!”

If we were playing Never Have I Ever, I would have been extremely parched for a drink.

I don’t got it.


How do I get it?


It’s how I cannot say no. 

Everyone else can say no, nothing is said when they say no. No reaction is shown when they say no. 

They are expected to say no, therefore I am asked.

Even when I say no, I am asked again.

There is a reaction when I say no.

Therefore I do not say no.

I am

I am a depressed little shit.

A dreary personality.

A withdrawn individual.

Don’t know when those became my more prominent traits but there it is.