Confession

They say that confession is good for the soul. What they do not say is that it is fucking painful before it becomes good. 

I had a full-on confession tonight about my 25 years of existence. Full disclosure. It was hard to get out for fear of judgement and it was hard to get out because the truth is fucking sad. 

But there it was for the confidante to digest. 

After one part of the confession, he/she said something about putting out good vibes and it occurred to me, maybe he/she was understanding what I didn’t say as well. 

“I’ve never been the confident one. I’ve never felt certain ways about myself.”

So when he/she said “people take the vibe what you put out. If you put out that your attractive and fun and out there, that’s what they will see. But if you put out that your a miserable something something person, that is what they will see.”

Am I the miserable one? I do not know if that is what was meant but my eyes watered, I started a whole thing in my head. “Is that the vibe I give off? I don’t think so, I think I am pretty good at hiding what’s going on in my noggin; the things that I don’t say.” 

Truth is, I am a terrible person who constantly goes in her head, who constantly thinks too much; overthinks unnecessarily. 

But that is me. 

I do not know how to be any one else and I do not think I even want to. 

Maybe I can better me. 

Maybe I will do better than try.

They say that confession is good for the soul.

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